Ranch Life
Years ago, at a church I pastored, I received a call from an individual who wanted to speak to me about joining the church as a member. When we met, the conversation flowed warmly, until he said rather gravely, "The pastor of the church I attended for many years would visit me at least once every couple of weeks, sometimes more. We would just sit for two to three hours at a time and catch up on what was going on in our lives and what was going on in the life of the church. I expect the same from you.”
Though surprised at the sudden turn, I knew I needed to steer the conversation toward reality.
"Let me ask you a couple of questions,” I said. "How many members attended the church you were a part of?”
"We had at most 50 on a regular basis,” he replied. "75 to 100 on special occasions like Easter or Christmas.”
"And how many staff members other than the pastor did the church have?”
"None. He was the only one who was full-time.”
"Did he have an office at the church? Office hours? Did he have responsibilities to equip people? Was he expected to lead the church?”
"He had a little office - it was more like a converted closet - but there really wasn't much to do. I mean, the church committees pretty much ran everything and told everyone, including the pastor, what to do. We got to vote on everything...you know, like it is supposed to be done...like, in the Bible.”
"Ok. Just so we are both on the same page: your pastor was not around the office much because he did not truly have any church leadership responsibility except for preaching and pastoral care for a maximum of 50 people, correct? As for funerals, hospital visits, and home visits, the pastor was the primary person responsible for those?"
"That's right. But we did expect him to be at the church office when we needed him too. You know, you sure do ask a lot of questions.”
"Well, the reason I'm asking is that I wanted to get a clear picture of where you were coming from with your expectations. I also wanted to let you know that I can promise you that holding tightly to those particular expectations will ensure that I will disappoint you greatly.”
He did not say anything but looked very displeased.
I continued. "We have a few hundred people to lead and to whom we minister. At that size, one person cannot do it all. Not only would that be unhealthy, it would be impossible. We understand that the lead pastor cannot have a deep personal relationship with every person in the church, but every person should have a relationship with someone. That is one of the reasons we emphasize getting involved in a smaller group for Bible study. It is where the larger faith family creates the deep, lasting personal friendships, and the group makes "big church" feel small. I am not at every visit, every funeral, every wedding, every birth, every crisis, and every event, but someone can be there if we intentionally connect with others. Would I like to be there? Certainly. But again, not only would that be unhealthy, but it would also be impossible.
"I know many ministry leaders who never find any degree of freedom from the 'close-to-the-pastor/leader syndrome' that you are talking about. Because of the expectations placed upon some leaders, they become frustrated, overloaded, and burned out. As a result, the church does not grow spiritually because people are not developing and exercising the gifts God has given to them to build up the church, and progress will stall because the main, limiting factor in growth is pastoral care.
Click here for more details on the“close to the pastor syndrome.”
"It's been said that it is the difference in being a shepherd and a rancher. Someone functioning purely as a shepherd is hands-on with every single sheep. A shepherd-rancher can only be hands-on with a smaller number of sheep and leads other leaders in shepherding the larger group. At our size, we must embrace that reality. Actually, most of us have embraced that reality some time ago. I have talked to many people over the years who want all the benefits of a larger church but want the individualized attention from the lead pastor that comes from a much smaller church. It is just not possible to have them both.”
He looked at me sourly. "Well then, how do you see your role as a pastor? I mean, I don't see that anything you just said is biblical! Jesus said that he was the Good Shepherd, not the "good rancher." And if you were following in his footsteps, you should be a shepherd too. After all, Jesus spent a lot of time visiting with people.”
Click here for a great read on “pastoral visit" expectations.
"I am not denying my role as a shepherd,” I replied. "But that role is not giving long-term, individualized, physical-presence-attention to every sheep in the flock. The main biblical responsibility I bear is to 'teach and equip the saints’ – the followers of Christ – for the work of the ministry (Ephesians 4:12). That is my job. That is the primary way I feed the sheep. Teaching-preaching is not a secondary role; it is not an afterthought, or a lesser responsibility - it is the primary thing God calIs the pastor to do to help others grow!
"That biblical mandate from God himself points to the fact that I do not do everything; I cannot. Think about the way the apostles in Acts appointed Spirit-filled men to take care of the widows and serve – that's pastoral care - and that freed up the apostles to lead and teach. That is why I use the term 'shepherd-rancher.' The church should be equipped to the point that if something were to happen to me, everything would continue without a hitch. I try to give away as much ministry as I can and entrust others with meeting needs by using their gifts. And though I do counsel the hurting, meet with people, and visit others to just catch up from time to time, much of my time is spent investing in faithful people who are able to pass teachings and truth along to others (2 Timothy 2:2).”
He sat back farther in his chair and pursed his lips. He said, with a growing smirk, "Clearly you've never heard that 'the customer is always right.'”
I shook my head. "We're talking about advancing the Kingdom of God, not customer service at a big-box store. It's pretty revealing when that is your approach though. When a pastor is wrongly seen as a hired hand who does the ministry instead of the primary leader and equipper for others to participate in ministry, that consumer "what's-in-it-for-me" mindset will develop. I am not interested in making more consumers; we need more servants. I won't settle for customers when we must raise up soldiers. People who are not willing to serve are people who are not truly following the example set by Christ.
"And to your earlier point: yes, Jesus did spend time with many different people, but let's not forget that he spent the vast majority of his time with the 12 disciples teaching and equipping them for ministry. My ministry is a success when I have equipped others to do everything except for the things that only I can do.”
"Well," he grumbled and huffed. "That kind of approach doesn't sound like anything I've ever heard of before in a church. And I don't think I like it.” Gruffly he said, "This may not be the church for me.”
I smiled and nodded, "You know, that appears to be the first thing today that we might agree upon.”
Though this conversation happened a few years ago, it was not the only time that I (and other leaders I know) have experienced moments in the same vein. Given the general apathy that has settled over much of the Christian population, I have been having more conversations with leaders regarding the role of equipping others during the present season as we look ahead to what is to come; and it is a harder and harder path with each passing day.
In many of these conversations, the same contrast in understanding roles emerges: a leader is expected to work as the hired-hand shepherd who must do all the work of ministry alone or to lead like a shepherd-rancher who equips people for the work of ministry. As I mentioned earlier, I am of the conviction that, at times, a lead pastor does give individual attention to members of the flock, and it is possible to connect with members of a much smaller congregation individually, but it is impossible for one leader to build a deep relationship with each person if the church is even approaching a moderate size.
(The metaphor of the shepherd and rancher is not original to me. A far better and more thorough explanation of it can be found from multiple sources including this article.)
Recently, I was talking with a friend involved in ministry at the church where her husband is one of the pastors on staff and she serves as a leader in a particular ministry on a volunteer basis. When I asked her how ministry was going, she said, "It's so much better now because I have established some boundaries. There is no way I can be available to all the people all the time. I am much more effective when I am investing deeply in a smaller number of faithful individuals instead of always spreading myself thin with the crowd. When I am trying to be all things to all people, I am not able to use to the fullest the gifts God has given me. When I try to be all things to all people, I can't be who God has called me to be.”
Wise words.
Thankfully, the friend I mentioned knows that neither she nor her husband can be fully accessible to everyone at any given moment. Those individuals they invest in have a higher degree of access than the random complainer or the ever-present energy vampire. Even if there were no toxic individuals at all involved, there is no way that every person who wanted access would have their needs met equally. In the words of Jethro, Moses' father-in-law, "What you are doing is not good. You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone” (Exodus 17:17-18).
When a leader is overburdened with responsibilities that can be delegated, both the leader and those being led will suffer. Unlimited availability leads to limited influence.
By their own approach, some pastors will limit the reach of pastoral care to themselves. One leader, referencing his own congregation, adamantly stated to me, "When I do not know the name of every person at my church, and what is going on in each of their lives, then it is time for me to plant a new congregation from this one because God has called me to be a shepherd to the people, and the shepherd is to call each sheep by name, just like Jesus.”
I asked him, "So the determining factor in starting a new congregation is the capacity of your memory?”
I further reminded him that as Creator, Jesus also calls every star by name (Psalm 147:4). Omniscience is not an expected example for us humans.
Though that pastor's gross misapplication and misinterpretation of scripture should not be encouraged, I am not calling into question the hearts of people who say such things. There is no doubt that those pastors are highly relational and truly desire to consider every detail of the individuals’lives they shepherd. But by their own admission, leaders who adopt that approach are not able to deeply minister to a larger number of people.
The question (even in a moderately-sized church such as ours) is not, "Does the pastor know every name?" The question must be, "Are there opportunities for every name to be known by someone?"
Often, the complaining sheep would benefit from connecting with a group at church to become known and grow and serve with others or find a much smaller flock to join where a single pastor can give focused, individualized, personal attention.
Even still, no single person – be it a pastor, ministry leader, or otherwise – can be expected to be everywhere at once for everyone at any time. Shortly after becoming the lead pastor at my first church, I took a one-day road trip to a neighboring state. I left early on Saturday morning (one of my weekly days off) and got back home that night. The next morning at church, one of the members said to me, "Oh, I drove by your house yesterday and noticed your car was gone.”
Not as though it was anyone's business, but I answered, "Yes, I took a quick road trip yesterday. Just needed to spend a little time out of town.”
What came next was the type of classic, guilt-tinged response that certain types of church members have bandied about for time immemorial: "What would have happened if somebody had needed you then? What if someone had a wreck or had an emergency surgery or was experiencing a family crisis? You probably should not go too far away on your day off in case someone needs you. The people of the church need you to stay close.”
Never mind that our church had a full staff to make sure eventualities and emergencies were covered. This comment came from the same person who would spend long weekends out of town, missing Sunday services, so that he and his family could watch their favorite college team play football.
That is a single example from a reservoir of many instances from which I could draw. Unfortunately, statements and situations like this are more common than you might realize.
I am mindful of another friend of mine who is an associate pastor. Because of the lack of staff, my friend was given multiple responsibilities in leading the church. As time went on, those responsibilities increased, and he was spread too thin and was forced to give an ear to every voice that cried out for positive or negative attention. When he reached the point of being exhausted and experienced negative impact upon his family and friendships, he realized he needed to establish some boundaries. Sadly, when he began drawing lines and saying "no," some church members began to complain that he was failing in his duties and "just could not deal with the pressure of leading.” This was not a true statement. My friend could deal with leadership pressure, but not with the pressure of leading a mid-sized church in a way that placed human expectations, not biblical truth, at the center of the methodology.
Are we willing to shake loose from those human expectations and live in the biblical light of truth?
Could we imagine for a moment what it might look like if the members of any given church took the initiative to know, care for, encourage, and support each other? What if each person put aside consumer-mindedness and self-seeking behavior, got involved with making friends and doing life together with others while growing in Christ in a group setting and everyone actively served in some capacity instead of sitting back, with metaphorical (or literal) crossed arms, waiting for someone else to wait upon them? What if church members lived like they were gifted instead of entitled?
This is where someone might say, "That sounds unrealistic! Where on earth would you get such a notion?”
Oh, I don't know…
John 13:12-14
Galatians 5:13; 6:2,10
Hebrews 10:24
Philippians 2:4
1 Peter 4:10
Acts 2:42-47
You can live a biblically based life or a self-serving life, but you can never do both. After twenty years of full-time church ministry, I have learned that there is a process that leads to conflict with a certain type of person in the church.
First, gradually and subtly, these people begin by departing from the truth and become unbiblical in their thinking and understanding. Maybe it is consumerism that creeps in. Perhaps some generational preferences begin to rise to the point of biblical truth. Local tradition and heritage might be elevated to the position of primary importance.
Then, because of this error, these people become unrealistic in their expectations.
This leads them to grow uncomfortable when anything runs contrary to their notions of how things should operate.
When friction then arises, these people are unwilling to change and then usually attempt to recruit others to join them in the same unbiblical approach. Dysfunction attracts dysfunction. Sadly, the church often seems to be a Petri dish for all sorts of toxic disrespect.
This sinful cycle will always result in complaints and disappointment; that is inevitable. Some people will eventually grasp the biblical reality, see the bigger picture, and learn to embrace it, but a smaller group will remain unwilling or unable to change their expectations.
When those unchanging complaints surface, and they will, you must shrug it off and get on with the mission. The disrespect from the "carnal corral" will always come. The number of critics is seldom large; they're just loud or persistent. The squeaky wheel might get the oil once or twice, but a continually squeaky wheel gets replaced; keep the jack and lug wrench handy.
There was a particular person I knew many years ago who always resisted and complained any time God was orchestrating a shift in growth, direction, or focus within our church. She was the classic "church critic” who wanted everything to remain the same and lamented that the pastoral leadership did not consult her personally on the details of every decision resulting in change and grumbled often about how the church should be ruled, in every way, by congregational vote. She would comment, "The church needs to be given back to the people." In her mind, the staff were the hired hands who existed to meet all her needs and the needs of her family; anyone in leadership was expected to meet the criteria on her checklist.
She would sometimes enlist her entire family to sow division and distrust; as a whole, there was not any possibility to address them logically. Emotionalism ruled all their decision-making. She refused to entertain any change in her mindset about how the church functioned. She was a loud, little, angry sheep who fought every shepherd.
For the staff and the other church leaders, her griping became the "cherry on top”- a small, additional indicator - that any changes were actually on track. The sad truth was that when she was unhappy, rest assured, God was moving. She did not stop any forward progress though; we still made all the changes, and she still grumbled.
She clung to her unmoving stance and unreasonable behavior despite leaders' attempts to help her understand. The next step would have been to exercise church discipline to have her removed as a member, but she eventually died and to the very end considered herself to be a gatekeeper and guardian in protecting the past from the generations coming after her who wanted to do anything differently.
But no one else saw her that way.
When remembered by others, they still speak of her as a person who was sadly out of touch with what really mattered. Her heritage was her idol. In her ill-conceived motivation to preserve the past, she became a thorn in the side of anyone more concerned with eternity.
This is how she is remembered now: not as an example to imitate, but as a cautionary tale. That is her unchangeable, unbiblical legacy.
But it did not have to be that way.
All she needed to do was surrender fully to biblical approaches, embrace Christ's transformative power, and connect, grow, and serve with others.
I did learn one valuable lesson from dealing with her: the mission is more important than the critics. And since you're not headed in their direction, don't waste your time looking where they point.
If you are a spiritual leader, you'll need God's wisdom for the continual challenges, but there are some things you can remember to best manage time and refocus priorities…
· Spend more time pondering God's Word than the complaints of humans. When human complaints conflict with God's commands, do not compromise. Again, the mission is more important than the critics.
· Many sheep will never consider the well-being of the entire flock much less sacrifice for it.
· Never miss an opportunity to explain how the organization is being led and to clarify why it is being led in that way. Some will understand. Some will not.
· Celebrate God's work in others as they exercise their gifts to build up the church.
· Take great care to whom you entrust yourself because you can only invest deeply in a few individuals at a time. They might not all work out but prayerfully consider and enthusiastically pour time into faithful people.
· Pray for wisdom to know the difference in a truly lost sheep and a marginal sheep that just likes to get attention. Go look for the lost one, but don't neglect the care of the ninety-nine because you are always trying to deal with those few problem sheep who continually drain you and the rest of the flock.
· Be present and show Christ's love to as many people as you can but remember that even Jesus did not heal everybody.
· Recognize that the source of leadership conflict may be a personality issue, an organizational dysfunction you inherited, things far beyond your control or a spiritual battle because you are headed in the right direction and the Enemy wants to stop you.
· There are some people who will want (and perhaps attempt to demand that) any church they attend, no matter how large it might be, to have the individualized attention from the lead pastor that only a much smaller church can offer. If your church grows to such a size that that type of attention is impossible, yet people still demand it, help them understand that they would likely be a better fit and have their needs met more readily in a smaller congregation.
· Know that you will, like I have, look back on many leadership problems and realize that a large portion of them could have been avoided by following a bit of counsel: Be a rancher.